So yesterday one of my dearest friends went to the Big Mall with MIL and I to walk. It was a wonderful time.
MIL likes my friend...not that she remembers her, but , likes her none the less.
Lately I have noticed, ok, irritated by the fact that when we go for our daily walks that MIL will not walk with me. She follows me, if I walk fast she walks fast as I slow down for her to catch up she slows down. I have to constantly be looking over my shoulder to make sure she has not wandered off.
But, yesterday she walk along side of us. We were talking and she seemed engaged in the conversation. That may be one of the problem that I have with MIL...I have nothing to talk to her about. I guess that I need to think of topics of conversation to keep her mind active. GREAT!
My SIL took her mom a day early that is great because that gives me extra time to get more Auction work done.
I have started a second blog to work through some of the personal issues that do not relate to the care of my family...all members of my family. I am wanting to move myself up my priority list so I think if I can use the other blog to do that Good for ME! Chroniclesofachubbychick@blogspot.com
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Changes
Well this morning as I sit waiting for the computer to come up, there is a reflection in the screen that is just not RIGHT. I stare for a minute wondering did this exhausted looking, middle aged woman just appear over night or has she been steadily coming on??? I also wonder can one come back from the "YOU look as bad as I feel" look??
I have look for the pause button of Life to no avail. Where is the darn thing, I just need...??? Well what is it that I need, I can't put my finger on it. To be less busy, but, I would fill the spare time with "something". So maybe that is why the pause button is not here.
I also think of my MIL. Dementia is a puzzling, cruel and deceptive disease. There are huge gaps in her reality, like years have been erased along with the people and things that go in those gaps. She has trouble remembering us and the family at times, she forgets things she was just told, and it is not always the same things that are missing. How strange it must be to look in the mirror and not know what the HECK happened. Where did this old woman come from??? When she first came to live with us one day she was just staring and rubbing her hands and arms. Like where did these come from.
It is hard to help her at times her gaps change from day to day and sometimes during the day. I have said that it is good she does not remember She does not like me. Well I wonder if at times she does recall that. She will say something with a sense of amazement, like Honey you are so sweet...like that is a thing that should not be. It is a sad thing for everyone involved.
Heart breaking to the family who watches as (like in the Never Ending Story) the nothingness takes away the reality of what life was.
I guess that should be a sign to make the most of today, enjoy the parts we have and love the ones you have while they are here!
I have look for the pause button of Life to no avail. Where is the darn thing, I just need...??? Well what is it that I need, I can't put my finger on it. To be less busy, but, I would fill the spare time with "something". So maybe that is why the pause button is not here.
I also think of my MIL. Dementia is a puzzling, cruel and deceptive disease. There are huge gaps in her reality, like years have been erased along with the people and things that go in those gaps. She has trouble remembering us and the family at times, she forgets things she was just told, and it is not always the same things that are missing. How strange it must be to look in the mirror and not know what the HECK happened. Where did this old woman come from??? When she first came to live with us one day she was just staring and rubbing her hands and arms. Like where did these come from.
It is hard to help her at times her gaps change from day to day and sometimes during the day. I have said that it is good she does not remember She does not like me. Well I wonder if at times she does recall that. She will say something with a sense of amazement, like Honey you are so sweet...like that is a thing that should not be. It is a sad thing for everyone involved.
Heart breaking to the family who watches as (like in the Never Ending Story) the nothingness takes away the reality of what life was.
I guess that should be a sign to make the most of today, enjoy the parts we have and love the ones you have while they are here!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Tuesday- A day to celebrate!
Wow all the reasons to celebrate this beautiful day are countless.
It is sunny outside, Ok so the temp started at 11 and has crept up to a balmy 25, but, it is SUNNY!!!!
Both kids got up on time and without a fight!!! Nothing short of a mini- miracle. They both tended to their own needs, dressed, breakfast, making lunch and not melting down when it was time to go! Who are these children and where have they been hiding all these years!
My mom is no longer in need of dialysis because her kidney function is back up the 30%. So now I can "sell" the spare kidney she was wanting. LOL Vacation here I come LOL
MIL slept in till almost 10...time alone! Wow that alone is worth cloning this day. When she did get up she is in a great mood! I love this new anti-anxiety med!! Modern medicine keeps us all alive it should also make us happy to be alive!
No puppy pittle on the floor today so far! :) I think she is getting the idea that she does not live in a toilet! Now if I could get the kids to realize I am NOT a maid! LOL They do understand I am NOT a cook so they can learn! LOL
Heading out to pick paint samples with a friend!!! OK so that alone would be a perfect day! Paint Sweet Paint.
It is only noon so I am sure that things could go off track, but, that is life and maybe that path hold some blessings that I am not looking for!
It is sunny outside, Ok so the temp started at 11 and has crept up to a balmy 25, but, it is SUNNY!!!!
Both kids got up on time and without a fight!!! Nothing short of a mini- miracle. They both tended to their own needs, dressed, breakfast, making lunch and not melting down when it was time to go! Who are these children and where have they been hiding all these years!
My mom is no longer in need of dialysis because her kidney function is back up the 30%. So now I can "sell" the spare kidney she was wanting. LOL Vacation here I come LOL
MIL slept in till almost 10...time alone! Wow that alone is worth cloning this day. When she did get up she is in a great mood! I love this new anti-anxiety med!! Modern medicine keeps us all alive it should also make us happy to be alive!
No puppy pittle on the floor today so far! :) I think she is getting the idea that she does not live in a toilet! Now if I could get the kids to realize I am NOT a maid! LOL They do understand I am NOT a cook so they can learn! LOL
Heading out to pick paint samples with a friend!!! OK so that alone would be a perfect day! Paint Sweet Paint.
It is only noon so I am sure that things could go off track, but, that is life and maybe that path hold some blessings that I am not looking for!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Moderation???
What is this moderation people speak of? I do not seem to be able to get acquainted with or build a relationship with it. I have tried to "move to" Moderationville, but alas I must not meet the requirements for residency.
So I still reside in the land of All or Nothing! Well there is part of my life that seems to have no problem with moderation, that is material things. It is the inner things that kill me. Like how can I get my 5 servings of fruits and veggies in, drink my 100oz of water, workout 30 min, clean the house, wash the (untold # of things), all by breakfast so I can be DONE.
I am a planner, but, it seems my plans do not always come to maturity. I start with the good intention and then a little bump, lets call it life, comes along and there goes the plan. Then I am in the nothing phase of All or Nothing.
So I am going to try (moderately) to work on getting to move to Moderationville. I will have to make some lists and modify them to come up with this plan. I will be qualified for residency by 2012 in all areas...wait that is the All or Nothing thing again. In most areas! LOL
So I still reside in the land of All or Nothing! Well there is part of my life that seems to have no problem with moderation, that is material things. It is the inner things that kill me. Like how can I get my 5 servings of fruits and veggies in, drink my 100oz of water, workout 30 min, clean the house, wash the (untold # of things), all by breakfast so I can be DONE.
I am a planner, but, it seems my plans do not always come to maturity. I start with the good intention and then a little bump, lets call it life, comes along and there goes the plan. Then I am in the nothing phase of All or Nothing.
So I am going to try (moderately) to work on getting to move to Moderationville. I will have to make some lists and modify them to come up with this plan. I will be qualified for residency by 2012 in all areas...wait that is the All or Nothing thing again. In most areas! LOL
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year 2011
Where does the time go. I know I have heard that as we get older time goes faster. I am beginning to believe that is the case. So I have decided that this year will not be like that...OK I am in Denial!!! LOL Ok so I want to make the most of everyday. I am not sure what that means.
Does it mean action packed days, savoring every moment, or filling the days with things I and my family enjoy. If that is the case then everyday will be a mix of all those things.
2011 is going to be a year of great milestones. Liz will graduate, it is our 25th wedding anniversary, I will run a 1/2 marathon and many other things that will come up. What a Great year this will be. I am sure that among the blessings there will be trials and hard times, but, in those will be nuggets of joy!
Well with living life to the fullest in mind I think I need a nap, rest is important too! Tomorrow MIL comes back so that will be mix bag of blessing and trial, so I better rest up!
Does it mean action packed days, savoring every moment, or filling the days with things I and my family enjoy. If that is the case then everyday will be a mix of all those things.
2011 is going to be a year of great milestones. Liz will graduate, it is our 25th wedding anniversary, I will run a 1/2 marathon and many other things that will come up. What a Great year this will be. I am sure that among the blessings there will be trials and hard times, but, in those will be nuggets of joy!
Well with living life to the fullest in mind I think I need a nap, rest is important too! Tomorrow MIL comes back so that will be mix bag of blessing and trial, so I better rest up!
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