In Your Face

Well this morning I started my blog with the same title and had a couple of paragraphs done.  I deleted it, it just did not feel right.  It was a bit self centered and grumpy.

This day has unfolded like a linen table cloth after being tied in a knot.  The wrinkles are here to stay.  No matter how hot the iron or how hard I press they will still be here.

In your face is what dementia is today.  There is no sugar coating, no ignoring it. First I want to say that my BELOVED Grandmother Elizabeth died from Alzheimer Disease.  Everyday she was on my heart, mind and in my prayers.  I loved this woman MORE than anyone else (well hubby and kids excluded).  She was a wonderful role model whom I try to model my life after!  She was truly a GIFT.  

That said, having a person with dementia in my home is the HARDEST thing.  The endless questions that run through my mind...the simple like what is she doing in the bathroom, what is out that she might get into with out knowing what it is. To the complex like what is setting her off, why is she upset and how can I help her.  This mornings big question (self centered as it was) Why is she up at 6:45 and In MY FACE.

I do thank God that in the course of this day I have become less self centered. from her being hysterical that her sister in Arizona would be at Vicki's, and that is not the "real" Vicki. Her packing everything here to take for the weekend, to crying and hugging me asking "just call them and tell them not to come for me."  Then I lost her in a store, the panic on her face and when she saw me hugging me!  

We did go for lunch at a restaurant that we eat at A LOT.  She went to the bathroom.  The manager asked how my day was, I said it will get better.  I told her that MIL did not know who I was (she called me Friend during lunch) and that it was a bad day for her.  A customer was standing there and said her Grandma had the same thing and they were keeping her at home too.  Then she said something that made me want to choke her...  "Some of the family say they can not keep her, they need to just suck it up."   There it is IN YOUR FACE!  That woman has no idea what goes into caring for her Grandma.  

Then as we pull up to our home.  She says to me this is Kevin's house with a puzzled look.  I say yes we all live here.  Kevin your son, me Tonya, you, Liz and Sam.  The look on her face when she realized she did not know who I was, just makes you hurt for her. IN YOUR FACE...SAD.


The facts are in our faces all the time, yet can be avoided for some brief times of happiness, but, it is and as long as she is here will be ALWAYS  IN OUR FACE.